The Tower of Babel Was a Controlled Demolition

Who said the following?

“If they are able to accomplish all this when they have just begun to exploit their linguistic and political unity, just think of what they will do later. Nothing will be unattainable for them!”

I realize he sounds like a poorly scripted tyrant in a videogame, but it’s the standard translation I have. Any guesses? How about if I feed you the next line of dialog?

“Let us go down and give them different languages so they won’t understand each other’s words.”

Yep, it’s the big guy, the man upstairs, the Fonz, Ronald McDonald. You know, G-O-D.


It’s from Genesis 11:6-7, one of the most perplexing passages in the Bible, and for that reason, also one of the most interpreted.

The boss man of the Old Testament shows a lot of emotion, usually a violent temper followed by a pang of regret. And the ancients acted like a battered spouse, always ready to forgive and forget.

But the Tower of Babel story is the only story I know where God acts a little scared, as if his battered victims are finally going to leave him.

Maybe the tower was a way out. Perhaps a spaceship, as the Raelians and others believe, or some kind of portal technology. Of course, that would make the god (or gods) of the Old Testament extraterrestrials. But who could believe that?

On that note: Happy Holidays!

Lion's Teeth

Dandelions (dent de lion) enlist children to spread their seeds.

Notes From Utah

Thinking about Romney's speech on Mormonism, I dug through my files and found these notes, taken during a week in Provo about a decade ago. The only things I read that week were the Book of Mormon in the hotel room and the local paper.

"His hands were naked, and his arms also, a little above the wrists; so, also, were his feet naked, as were his legs, a little above the ankles. His head and neck were also bare. I could discover that he had no other clothing on but this robe, as it was open, so that I could see into his bosom."

Joseph Smith, "The Pearl of Great Price," 9/21/1823

"The East High gay and lesbian club proposal is like a camel's initial proposal to put his nose into the 'tent'' of Utah schools. The ultimate goal is to infiltrate all Utah schools, forcing traditional moral values to die out as the rising generation pities, endures, then embraces their lifestyle."

The Deseret News, Readers' Forum Editorial, 2/27/1996

42*

Maybe Jim Carrey was onto something with the number 23, but I keep tripping over "42" lately.

Last week I finished “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” where the answer to the riddle of life, the universe, and everything is--as any fan knows--“42.” Douglas Adams said he needed an “ordinary, smallish number” to suit his punchline.

While working on my taxes this morning, I stumbled across the IRS’ life expectancy tables. Turns out that age 42 is the first year where life expectancy is shorter than years already lived.

And with that, the gears started turning and the mindwig started feeding, courtesy of the Internet.

According to Wikipedia, 42 is considered an unlucky age in Japan because 4 (shi) and 2 (ni) are together pronounced like “going to death.” A nice metaphor for middle age.

There’s even a festival in Japan where drunken 42-year-old men carry a phallus-shaped cypress tree for a mile. The procession is supposed to help them spiritually evolve through a particularly rough year--unless they’re not crushed under a half-ton cypress trunk, I suppose.

In ASCII, “42” is the asterisk glyph, which represents a placeholder. Another apt metaphor for middle age. You’re not dead yet, but they’re saving a place.

I will crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep now.

*Forgive the obsession, but I just turned 42.